I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ttyl tear gas
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
