Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize