Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
