apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
