Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
