There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
why is half of my head shaved?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
