started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
