I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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