I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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