I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
