So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize