Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
