she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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