I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
