why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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