I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
