The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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