Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
