Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
