We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
