So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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