explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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