Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
