Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
