Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
