I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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