the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize