I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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