You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
