I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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