I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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