That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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