i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
