So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
