I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we should paint friendship bongs
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