Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
