Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize