I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Randomize