Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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