We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
