did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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