all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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