you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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