a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize