I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
