im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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