the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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