then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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