i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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