I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
