Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
