We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are the jesus of drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
