I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
