they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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