i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
