i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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