My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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