What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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