Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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