So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
