I didn't shave. On purpose
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i came on her dog
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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