The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
wow bdsm is so cute
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