i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
