threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
