You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
