so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
