At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MIDGETS
????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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