I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
