And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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