in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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