I wish I could punch you in the face.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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