I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
