I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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