I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
