I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
