Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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