She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
