for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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