i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
3pm strippers are depressing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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