Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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