rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
