I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize