You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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