take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
