i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
4 words: hood of his car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
