Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
