Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
