In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize