Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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