do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize