Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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