ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
