it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
