if only i could text you this smell
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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