so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
