everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
