I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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