She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
