Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
