i may or may not be watching the land before time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
