so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
