he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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