gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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