I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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