now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize