Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
