Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
