just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
