I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize